Hi there, my poor dear dusty blog. I'm sorry I've abandoned you...again. Tomorrow will be a year since I started this blog, come to find out, lol. I guess I'd know that if I visited more. I know, I know, quit guilting me.
I have a million and one things I need to get out of my head, and apparently out into cyberspace, so I'm back. Maybe this time I'll be better about updating regularly?? ;) I hope so!
So, why am I here today? Well, when I picked up #2 (aka, Aubrey) from her after-school programs yesterday, she had a couple of permission slips for me to sign. She'll be participating in "Traveling Tuesdays", which is essentially a free field trip for her every Tuesday. Woohoo!! There will be several things for them to do, one of them being swimming.
Cue the rules for swimsuits now. It has to be one-piece...well, it can be a tankini, but you'll need to wear a tee with it, so that way nobody can see your belly. If you choose a one-piece without a tee, the straps need to be a minimum of 3 fingers wide, otherwise, you'll still need to wear a tee. If you're a boy, swim trunks. That's all. No rules on how long, or how baggy, or what color, or (here's the real kicker for my 10 year old) NO TEE REQUIRED.
I asked the lovely women (who I adore, don't get me wrong!) where they thought I might get a bathing suit THREE FINGERS WIDE? My bathing suit might be 3 fingers wide, but it's because my breasts are large enough to require a thicker strap to prevent the spaghetti strap most suits have, from not cutting off my arms at the shoulders. Go ahead, hold up your 3 middle fingers, and take in how wide that is. My girls prefer a two-piece suit to a one-piece because it's easier for them to pee, if need be, than stripping naked to do so. However, if my girls wanted a two-piece because they like how they look in them, I'd still "allow" it, because I don't think they're going to run out and get pregnant because they wore a bikini.
This will end up taking me into a whole other blog post about women and modesty. (I find it to be a load of bull, for those too curious to wait for the next time I'll decide to make an appearance around here.)
I know that these women are just following the rules, but who in the hell made the rules in the first place? And when were the rules made? I kept my feelings to myself, until my 10 year old started expressing her discontent over having to wear a tee shirt to swim, but the boys don't. I'm stuck with her. What in the world makes her, and other girls, bellies off limits, but boys can go flaunting theirs with no repercussion? Boys can be completely bare shoulder, showing off their nipples (*GASP*) for the world to see, but girls need at least 3 fingers covering their shoulders, and zero amounts of belly showing? How in the world does that make any sense to anyone??
As I told her last night, it only gets worse from here, kid. Not only for women, but for men as well. Stereotypes and standards we continue to follow, but who really knows why? Women are dainty, and pretty to look at, unless their top is cut to low...those dirty sluts aren't pretty and don't deserve compliments. (Oops, keep letting that other blog post out on here, my bad.) Men are strong and brawn, and really, REALLY stupid when it comes to raising kids, and if they are good with their kids, they're probably a closet homosexual with those icky things called feelings. (**Disclaimer- I don't think LGBT have icky things called feelings, I'm talking about society here.) There are so many things I hoped that by 2013, my kids wouldn't have to be exposed to. We've advanced in so many ways, yet we still continue to live in the 19th century for others.
With that, I need to pick up my #5 from school, so I'm going go ahead and publish unedited. Forgive my mistakes, eh? :)
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Friday, November 23, 2012
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Tuesday, November 13, 2012
"I'll bet she makes you wish you'd stopped at 5 sometimes..."
Yesterday while dropping Julian off at school, Brenya decided to get a little grumpy. She is Brenya, it's how she do. (Thanks Ryan, for introducing me to Lil' Wayne's annoying Mt. Dew commercial, lol.) She's a diva, she's a monsterkins. she's the baby spoiled by all before her. During her little grumble-grumble-roar, someone said to me, and I quote, "I'll bet she makes you wish you'd stopped at 5 sometimes..." Whaaaa?? I must not have heard her right. I replied something like, "uhhhh, no..." but I couldn't quite wrap my head about what just was said to me, at least until it had time to sink in.
Here I am at today, after letting it steep all night, and I'm still just flabbergasted. Did someone really just ask me if my 3 year old's diva-esque attitude makes me wish she were never born? Like, really?? I mean, I'm just speechless. Well, no I'm not, because I'm here to grumble-grumble-roar myself here on the internets, so I guess I'm more just lost, confused, left scratching my head.
I can't think of a time, even at any of my kids worst, that I wish I'd never had them. These people, they are the absolute loves of my life. I may have wanted to punch them in the nose while kicking them in the shins, but I can't think of a time where I wish they'd never existed. Even at my worst, and when I'm really doubting myself and my abilities as momma to 6, I know that momma is exactly the job title I was meant to have.
My children are my everything. They are my reason to wake up in the morning, the reason I eat, sleep, breathe. Do I give people the impression that I hate my "job" as momma? I struggled with that a bit last night while tossing and turning, but no. I know I don't. Even when I'm aggravated, these munchkins can find a way to make me laugh, and then we're back on track. I will never make my children feel as I did growing up. They are not mistakes, they are not regrets, and I will not have others thinking that either. I have worked very hard to make it known that my kids are meant to be here, and they are destined to great things. I love them more than anything else on this Earth....more than anything in the Universe....they are amazing people I will forever be indebted to.
They are people, after all, and in general people are prone to mistakes. People are not known for being amazing and pleasant 100% of the time. People are not always compassionate and caring, as noted from the little sentence that inspired this blog post today. People are not always enjoyable, so does that mean we should wish they never existed when the worst of them comes out? No....just no. I just fail to see how others can think that way.
I'm sure she thought she was just joking, and that I would find it funny, but I don't. I just can't imagine asking someone if they wished their child(ren) were never born for any reason. I know sometimes I say things, and I look back and think, "dummy, dummy, dummy! What were you thinking?!" so, I wonder if maybe she did the same yesterday when she walked away with her grandson... Maybe, maybe not, however it stuck with me. We definitely need to think of exactly what we're saying before we say it. Words are not easily forgotten, even when seemingly innocently said.
At this moment, there is a woman sitting somewhere, crying at yet another negative pregnancy test. There's a mother missing her 13 year old son who recently lost his battle to cancer. There's a father out there who is trying to see his 3 year old son hanging on to his life after another man beat him. I try desperately to not take what I have for granted. Hug your loved ones a little closer, eh?
I feel like I'm not accurately saying what I want to say, and how I want to say it, but I'm running out of time here, lol. I have to go and pick up my Juli-boy in a few minutes, and so I'm just going to publish this as is. Hopefully getting this out of my head, and onto electronic "paper" will help me go about my day with less ill-feelings.
Here I am at today, after letting it steep all night, and I'm still just flabbergasted. Did someone really just ask me if my 3 year old's diva-esque attitude makes me wish she were never born? Like, really?? I mean, I'm just speechless. Well, no I'm not, because I'm here to grumble-grumble-roar myself here on the internets, so I guess I'm more just lost, confused, left scratching my head.
I can't think of a time, even at any of my kids worst, that I wish I'd never had them. These people, they are the absolute loves of my life. I may have wanted to punch them in the nose while kicking them in the shins, but I can't think of a time where I wish they'd never existed. Even at my worst, and when I'm really doubting myself and my abilities as momma to 6, I know that momma is exactly the job title I was meant to have.
My children are my everything. They are my reason to wake up in the morning, the reason I eat, sleep, breathe. Do I give people the impression that I hate my "job" as momma? I struggled with that a bit last night while tossing and turning, but no. I know I don't. Even when I'm aggravated, these munchkins can find a way to make me laugh, and then we're back on track. I will never make my children feel as I did growing up. They are not mistakes, they are not regrets, and I will not have others thinking that either. I have worked very hard to make it known that my kids are meant to be here, and they are destined to great things. I love them more than anything else on this Earth....more than anything in the Universe....they are amazing people I will forever be indebted to.
They are people, after all, and in general people are prone to mistakes. People are not known for being amazing and pleasant 100% of the time. People are not always compassionate and caring, as noted from the little sentence that inspired this blog post today. People are not always enjoyable, so does that mean we should wish they never existed when the worst of them comes out? No....just no. I just fail to see how others can think that way.
I'm sure she thought she was just joking, and that I would find it funny, but I don't. I just can't imagine asking someone if they wished their child(ren) were never born for any reason. I know sometimes I say things, and I look back and think, "dummy, dummy, dummy! What were you thinking?!" so, I wonder if maybe she did the same yesterday when she walked away with her grandson... Maybe, maybe not, however it stuck with me. We definitely need to think of exactly what we're saying before we say it. Words are not easily forgotten, even when seemingly innocently said.
At this moment, there is a woman sitting somewhere, crying at yet another negative pregnancy test. There's a mother missing her 13 year old son who recently lost his battle to cancer. There's a father out there who is trying to see his 3 year old son hanging on to his life after another man beat him. I try desperately to not take what I have for granted. Hug your loved ones a little closer, eh?
I feel like I'm not accurately saying what I want to say, and how I want to say it, but I'm running out of time here, lol. I have to go and pick up my Juli-boy in a few minutes, and so I'm just going to publish this as is. Hopefully getting this out of my head, and onto electronic "paper" will help me go about my day with less ill-feelings.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Gotta Be More Positive, Peeps!! :)
Staying away from the hatred from both sides right now. I don't want to be any part of the bragging and na-na-na-booboo'ing, and I don't want to be any part of the complaining and crying that will get me no where.
ON that note, today I had some running around to do, and I got to see both of my regular cashiers at both stores I went to (Wal*Mart and Meijer). They are my regulars for a reason, I will purposefully stand in a line 40 minutes long just to have them check me out. They are the bomb-diggity, as someone my age might think were *cool* to say. This may get wordy, but the happiness and positivity is assuredly worth it! xoxo
Cashier #1 (and I'm so awful at names, I try not to be, and I try hard, but I sucketh) was training a newbie today. She calls Bennie her "cuter" twin, lol. If you had seen the pics I posted on facebook earlier, you'll know Bennie is SpiderGirl today, because that just makes her day..and anything that makes the day run smoother, amiright? She was so pleased to see Bennie being her typical diva self, she ran off for a second to grab she and Bennie matching suckers, lol. She made Bennie's day with all the doting on and attention giving a diva monster-child desires. ;) #1 and her trainee thanked Bennie and I for our patience and understanding that comes with the training process. :)
Cashier #2 (aka, Kim (who I can remember her name, since it's the same as my beloved Aunt Kim who passed away 7.5 years ago, and shares the same sort of "love everybody" attitude she did)) was being her typical love-everyone self. While beeping my things off the conveyor belt, she hears 2 co-workers having a convo that went something like:
#1) "I have something for you!"
#2) "Oh yeah?"
#1) "It's a box, about 2 lbs, I need you to do..." (I can't remember word for word, but essentially, it was a job for her to do, not something *for* her)
#2) "Oh, you had me going for a minute! I thought someone had actually thought of me!"
both walk away chatting....
Kim then says something about how funny #2 (remember, I'm AWFUL with names) is, and what a nice lady she is. (I was her last customer before break) Then she says, "I think after I'm finished with my lunch, I'm going to get #2 a little something to let her know I'm thinking of her. I just hate to think that someone thinks that no one is thinking of them."
Cue tears.
She sees me with tears just-a-wellin' up, and I tell her that she has got to be one of the sweetest people I've ever met, and how she just made my day! I mean, seriously! She tells me to stop crying, because now I have her crying too, and we're both a sobbing mess. She tells me how much she loves people, and how much she loves knowing that she made someone smile that day...and I mean, she's just a wonderful person. Happy, positive, and selfless. After a few moments to suck it up, we're back to normal conversation on why I'm making Thanksgiving dinner 2 weeks before Thanksgiving (because we go to a big family get together where everyone pitches in a dish to pass, and I like to cook A LOT...and to prove to myself that I CAN make a huge Thanksgiving feast on my own...that's why! LOL), and she helps me put the last of my things into my cart. After setting the bag in my cart, she walks around and gives me this huge hug, tells me "God bless you sister, YOU made MY day." Now we're both bawling again!
Oh, how I wish there were more Cashier #1's and Kim's in the world... I hope that I can be like them one day. I want to make someone smile for the day, I want to be helpful, I strive to be the positive, loving, and caring people they are. They are cashiers I spend maybe 15 minutes with a week, and they just brighten my day. I strive to be someone who after spending merely 10-15 minutes with, I leave said person with a new outlook on the day. You rock, ladies!! xoxo
ON that note, today I had some running around to do, and I got to see both of my regular cashiers at both stores I went to (Wal*Mart and Meijer). They are my regulars for a reason, I will purposefully stand in a line 40 minutes long just to have them check me out. They are the bomb-diggity, as someone my age might think were *cool* to say. This may get wordy, but the happiness and positivity is assuredly worth it! xoxo
Cashier #1 (and I'm so awful at names, I try not to be, and I try hard, but I sucketh) was training a newbie today. She calls Bennie her "cuter" twin, lol. If you had seen the pics I posted on facebook earlier, you'll know Bennie is SpiderGirl today, because that just makes her day..and anything that makes the day run smoother, amiright? She was so pleased to see Bennie being her typical diva self, she ran off for a second to grab she and Bennie matching suckers, lol. She made Bennie's day with all the doting on and attention giving a diva monster-child desires. ;) #1 and her trainee thanked Bennie and I for our patience and understanding that comes with the training process. :)
Cashier #2 (aka, Kim (who I can remember her name, since it's the same as my beloved Aunt Kim who passed away 7.5 years ago, and shares the same sort of "love everybody" attitude she did)) was being her typical love-everyone self. While beeping my things off the conveyor belt, she hears 2 co-workers having a convo that went something like:
#1) "I have something for you!"
#2) "Oh yeah?"
#1) "It's a box, about 2 lbs, I need you to do..." (I can't remember word for word, but essentially, it was a job for her to do, not something *for* her)
#2) "Oh, you had me going for a minute! I thought someone had actually thought of me!"
both walk away chatting....
Kim then says something about how funny #2 (remember, I'm AWFUL with names) is, and what a nice lady she is. (I was her last customer before break) Then she says, "I think after I'm finished with my lunch, I'm going to get #2 a little something to let her know I'm thinking of her. I just hate to think that someone thinks that no one is thinking of them."
Cue tears.
She sees me with tears just-a-wellin' up, and I tell her that she has got to be one of the sweetest people I've ever met, and how she just made my day! I mean, seriously! She tells me to stop crying, because now I have her crying too, and we're both a sobbing mess. She tells me how much she loves people, and how much she loves knowing that she made someone smile that day...and I mean, she's just a wonderful person. Happy, positive, and selfless. After a few moments to suck it up, we're back to normal conversation on why I'm making Thanksgiving dinner 2 weeks before Thanksgiving (because we go to a big family get together where everyone pitches in a dish to pass, and I like to cook A LOT...and to prove to myself that I CAN make a huge Thanksgiving feast on my own...that's why! LOL), and she helps me put the last of my things into my cart. After setting the bag in my cart, she walks around and gives me this huge hug, tells me "God bless you sister, YOU made MY day." Now we're both bawling again!
Oh, how I wish there were more Cashier #1's and Kim's in the world... I hope that I can be like them one day. I want to make someone smile for the day, I want to be helpful, I strive to be the positive, loving, and caring people they are. They are cashiers I spend maybe 15 minutes with a week, and they just brighten my day. I strive to be someone who after spending merely 10-15 minutes with, I leave said person with a new outlook on the day. You rock, ladies!! xoxo
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Planning a long road trip/family vacay for 8 people is simple, right?
Thinking of planning a long family vacation across country to Cali. We haven't been out there since we left in '06...and truthfully, if family wasn't out there I'd never go again... However, because family is out there, California it is. There are a couple peeps in particular we need to see, and I need to start planning and preparing and saving, saving, saving!
We're thinking of taking at least a couple of weeks to drive out, sight see, visit, and drive back, and we're thinking of doing so around spring break time, so the kids will only have to miss a week or so of school...possibly 2. That's one of the downsides to no longer homeschooling...trying to work it out with a school over why my kids will be absent for a week or more. Just...a lot on my mind, and a lot to prepare/plan for. Being OCD, I need to get everything organized exactly perfect...over and over again. And did I mention, planning? It will be awesome, though, and I'm grateful that we are at a point in our lives where we can start thinking about doing something like this. Ideally, it would be a couple years down the road. and there would be more income to save, but time is not always an option.
So, now I need to start checking out different sites, maps, hotels, sights to see, et c. so I can start getting deep down in the planning. It's going to be a wild ride, but I imagine a very memorable one for us all. Thinking of all the planning involved, I can honestly say that I'm grateful that we don't have any babies anymore. It's going to make packing a lot easier. It's also going to make traveling much nicer. It's always better to communicate with people by asking them what is wrong and hearing an actual form-words-from-their-mouth answer, than "WAHHHHHHH! WAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"
Completely unrelated; the kids are back in school, and we're finally starting to get back into the groove of things. That means I should stop neglecting my blog so much! It was hard enough to (shamefully) even find my poor dusty ol' blog to make this post. And I'm feeling....well, like I don't like this post and all of it's redundancy right now, but I don't have time to perfect what I want to say and how. I just need to get back to the reason I started this thing: To get all I have to say off of facebook, out of my head when facebook just doesn't do it, and onto an online diary, lol. ;) Also, I should get my fat butt back onto the equally neglected treadmill. Yeah...I'll save all that shame and misery for another post on another day. ;)
We're thinking of taking at least a couple of weeks to drive out, sight see, visit, and drive back, and we're thinking of doing so around spring break time, so the kids will only have to miss a week or so of school...possibly 2. That's one of the downsides to no longer homeschooling...trying to work it out with a school over why my kids will be absent for a week or more. Just...a lot on my mind, and a lot to prepare/plan for. Being OCD, I need to get everything organized exactly perfect...over and over again. And did I mention, planning? It will be awesome, though, and I'm grateful that we are at a point in our lives where we can start thinking about doing something like this. Ideally, it would be a couple years down the road. and there would be more income to save, but time is not always an option.
So, now I need to start checking out different sites, maps, hotels, sights to see, et c. so I can start getting deep down in the planning. It's going to be a wild ride, but I imagine a very memorable one for us all. Thinking of all the planning involved, I can honestly say that I'm grateful that we don't have any babies anymore. It's going to make packing a lot easier. It's also going to make traveling much nicer. It's always better to communicate with people by asking them what is wrong and hearing an actual form-words-from-their-mouth answer, than "WAHHHHHHH! WAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"
Completely unrelated; the kids are back in school, and we're finally starting to get back into the groove of things. That means I should stop neglecting my blog so much! It was hard enough to (shamefully) even find my poor dusty ol' blog to make this post. And I'm feeling....well, like I don't like this post and all of it's redundancy right now, but I don't have time to perfect what I want to say and how. I just need to get back to the reason I started this thing: To get all I have to say off of facebook, out of my head when facebook just doesn't do it, and onto an online diary, lol. ;) Also, I should get my fat butt back onto the equally neglected treadmill. Yeah...I'll save all that shame and misery for another post on another day. ;)
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Weight Loss Train: Derailed...
Yeah, thanks great flood of May 4....that was the beginning of that derailment. I was doing SO good. SO, SO good. I was down 33 pounds. Key word: Was. I'm now up 11. Depressing, let down, disappointed...check, check, and check.
Between the flood, and now full-time summer babysitting, there's been no running. Actually, there have been a few times I've ran, but it's been a complete self-loathing kind of running, and it's not exactly encouraging of doing it again. Logically, I know this, but it doesn't stop me. There's been very little exercise. I've been busy rebuilding our lives, and taking care of children. By the time the kids that aren't mine go home, I have NO will to do anything, except for eat dinner, send my kids to bed, and then tuck myself in.
Are you ready for the excuses? Yeah, me either, but they're there. I am a morning runner, I NEED to run in the morning, before doing anything else. It encourages me throughout the day. When I run 2, 3, 4, or more miles, and I see how hard I worked, how many calories I burned, it encourages me to REALLY think about all other actions throughout the day. I've ran a few times in the evening, after Ryan is home, after my part-time kiddos ;) go home, and it ends in profanity, and lots of name calling (directed at myself, of course...it's no one else's fault I decided to do this to myself again.) I tried to force myself to wake up a couple hours early to run/shower before my part-time kiddos come over, but I just can't...or won't I guess. While not running/not working out, I just give up...pop? The more I can guzzle, the better! Chocolate cake? Why stop there, where's the chocolate candy bars? Diabetes, apparently I lied, and apparently, I am hoping to meet you one day...
I've just given up. I don't know where to start again. How did I used to run, cook, and clean?? Because I feel like right now, I can run...or I can cook...or I can clean. Then I want to nap for a couple of days. Depression has sunk in, for sure, but I can usually just power through it. Not so right now. I can't stop thinking about how, even if I start up right now, right this very instant...had I never stopped, I'd be SO FREAKING CLOSE to my goal.Within 20 pounds, no doubt. Now I'm 55 pounds from that goal. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I realize I have to stop looking at it that way, but I just can't. I feel like I'm going to have to wait until the kids are back in school in September to get back at this, and that's probably true. Less of an excuse, more of a reality.
However, just because I can't get back to my hardcore workout routine, doesn't mean I need to be horking down on all of the chocolate and pop I can muster. I'd probably still be making at least a bit of progress, if I could just let my will power in a little bit to slap the crap out of me, and force me to fill up my water bottle, instead of opening a can of pop. I'd probably still make some progress, if I wouldn't go back for seconds, or if I'd not eat chocolate like it was going out of style, or if I did even 20 jumping jacks....if I did something. How do I get back there? I can't be angry about the flood anymore...it's been 2 months now, but how do I get back there?
Yeah, I don't know, either, but I have to figure it out. I'm not giving up, I refuse....I just need to get back to actually believing that again. It might not happen until September, BUT, I CAN make better decisions NOW. Water, smaller portions, a few jumping jacks here, a few crunches there. Accountability, peeps, I need it. I don't want to do this anymore, I want May 3rd back, and I need to realize it's NEVER going to happen...and learn to move forward from there. Sigh.
Okay, whine-fest over. I'm ready to start over... :)
Between the flood, and now full-time summer babysitting, there's been no running. Actually, there have been a few times I've ran, but it's been a complete self-loathing kind of running, and it's not exactly encouraging of doing it again. Logically, I know this, but it doesn't stop me. There's been very little exercise. I've been busy rebuilding our lives, and taking care of children. By the time the kids that aren't mine go home, I have NO will to do anything, except for eat dinner, send my kids to bed, and then tuck myself in.
Are you ready for the excuses? Yeah, me either, but they're there. I am a morning runner, I NEED to run in the morning, before doing anything else. It encourages me throughout the day. When I run 2, 3, 4, or more miles, and I see how hard I worked, how many calories I burned, it encourages me to REALLY think about all other actions throughout the day. I've ran a few times in the evening, after Ryan is home, after my part-time kiddos ;) go home, and it ends in profanity, and lots of name calling (directed at myself, of course...it's no one else's fault I decided to do this to myself again.) I tried to force myself to wake up a couple hours early to run/shower before my part-time kiddos come over, but I just can't...or won't I guess. While not running/not working out, I just give up...pop? The more I can guzzle, the better! Chocolate cake? Why stop there, where's the chocolate candy bars? Diabetes, apparently I lied, and apparently, I am hoping to meet you one day...
I've just given up. I don't know where to start again. How did I used to run, cook, and clean?? Because I feel like right now, I can run...or I can cook...or I can clean. Then I want to nap for a couple of days. Depression has sunk in, for sure, but I can usually just power through it. Not so right now. I can't stop thinking about how, even if I start up right now, right this very instant...had I never stopped, I'd be SO FREAKING CLOSE to my goal.Within 20 pounds, no doubt. Now I'm 55 pounds from that goal. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I realize I have to stop looking at it that way, but I just can't. I feel like I'm going to have to wait until the kids are back in school in September to get back at this, and that's probably true. Less of an excuse, more of a reality.
However, just because I can't get back to my hardcore workout routine, doesn't mean I need to be horking down on all of the chocolate and pop I can muster. I'd probably still be making at least a bit of progress, if I could just let my will power in a little bit to slap the crap out of me, and force me to fill up my water bottle, instead of opening a can of pop. I'd probably still make some progress, if I wouldn't go back for seconds, or if I'd not eat chocolate like it was going out of style, or if I did even 20 jumping jacks....if I did something. How do I get back there? I can't be angry about the flood anymore...it's been 2 months now, but how do I get back there?
Yeah, I don't know, either, but I have to figure it out. I'm not giving up, I refuse....I just need to get back to actually believing that again. It might not happen until September, BUT, I CAN make better decisions NOW. Water, smaller portions, a few jumping jacks here, a few crunches there. Accountability, peeps, I need it. I don't want to do this anymore, I want May 3rd back, and I need to realize it's NEVER going to happen...and learn to move forward from there. Sigh.
Okay, whine-fest over. I'm ready to start over... :)
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